MATT’S

Ratings:

Jucy Lucy  4.7

Ambiance: 4

“If Applebees saw Matt’s in a dark alley, it would crap it’s pants!”

City Pages Best Hamburger and Best Kept Secret, Winner of the Travel Channel Food Wars 2010 blah blah blah…you may roll your eyes at all the awards on the dingy walls at Matt’s in south Mpls, but the line out the door on a weeknight speaks louder than any ol’ cheaply framed piece of paper.  The Jucy Lucy Crew was packed into two hastily snagged booths on a Wednesday night in the cramped dingy digs of Matt’s..a bad sign if you are looking for a place to spread out and enjoy a leisurely rolling conversation, and a good indication of the tasty burger treat you are about inhale.

Even though the smoking ban has been in effect since March 2005, the walls at Matt’s still have the pall of decades of Lucky Strikes and Marlboro Reds while the vinyl booth sticks to the back of your legs on a humid summer day.  The 1970’s décor may be off putting to some, but  Ms. Appleby felt completely at home arriving directly from the gym in her sweaty workout clothes.  Resident vegetarian Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner gave Matt’s an upgrade on ambiance based on the awesome wallpaper alone.  Ricky was pretty excited to hang in a joint that was like “drinking at a bar with your grandpa”! So as long as you don’t mind crowds in a dark little hole with neon beer signs with both a significant wait for a table AND the wait for your burger, you should be fine.

Birthday Lucy!

But what about this heralded, award-winning Jucy Lucy we’ve heard so much about?   Sharon could see the lava cheez flow under the skin of her crispy, glistening meat.  Let me tell you, the CEF ™ (Cheez Explosion Factor) at Matt’s does NOT disappoint!  All of Team Lucy experienced a good initial cheez ooze at the first bite (after waiting the amount of time our waitress, in all seriousness, recommended…) that kept coming  and coming…and coming…and coming…until Ethel’s final bite of burger.  Ricky even had plenty of cheez left over after the ENTIRE burger was gone to enjoy his order of fries as cheez fries with extra cheez.   Although Matt’s Lucy has the subtle taste undertones of a Big Mac, the empty plates at the Lucy Labs ™ were empty to the last cheezy drop.  Fred thought he could order a second Lucy even though he admitted to being totally full.

Matt's menu

Fair warning!  When ordering from the menu at Matt’s, the ONLY vegetarian option is the grilled cheese sandwich.  Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner, the resident vegetarian on Team Lucy, thought it had no exuberance, but was a solid, no-frills option… Obviously, the Lucy rules all at Matt’s!  The neighboring table experienced that old comedy stand-by:  the farting Jucy Lucy.  It squirted like a defunct ketchup bottle or a whoopie cushion filled with custard.  Whichever aural metaphor you choose, the farting burger is ALWAYS funny.   Funny farting burgers, Matt’s swag (t-shirts and caps), and taxidermy aside…the only real drawback to Matt’s is the wait and the cramped space.  With Team Lucy spread across 2 crammed booths, the conversation and HOA (Hanging Out Action ™) was tough to navigate.  However, if you have time and are just hanging out with a small but merry band of your peeps, you should be happy with your Matt’s Jucy Lucy experience.

The last cheezy bite

Ricky Ricardo sez:  “Matt’s proves Mpls’ superiority over St. Paul”
Fred sez: “…a blue collar place with a satisfyingly good blue collar burger”
Mr. Ralph “The Brain” Ramsey sez:  “the bathroom reminds me of a submarine, tiny and subteranean”
Betty “The Beauty” Ramsey sez:  “I think my legs are still stuck to this booth”
Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner sez:  “This place gets extra credit for having swag!”
Ethel sez: “The ratio of grease to cheez is excellent!”
Ms. Abbleby sez: “…the best CEF ™ yet!”
Mr. Matt and Lady Marion sez:  “…this place is only missing taxidermy.”
Lucy sez: “Farting burgers?  Yep, still funny…”

The HAPPY GNOME

It’s the rarely seen Surprise Lucy!!  A crispy little kick in a kaiser bun!!

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy 4
Ambiance 5

For years I have been a fan of the Happy Gnome’s outdoor patio, spectacular tap beer selection, and artisan cheeses.  So imagine my surprise during a recent happy hour at the Happy Gnome when we discovered a seasonal change to the menu:  the addition of the Fried Vegetable Jucy Lucy!!

This crazy vegetarian-friendly option of the cheezy meat classic features a couple of fried patties of roasted veggies with mozzarella sriracha aiola and shredded romaine cheez.  The result is a slightly healthier version of the Lucy that everyone can enjoy!

Although the CEF ™ is low due to the less volcanically volatile nature of the romaine cheeze, the roasted veggies make for a remarkable alternative to greasy meat and grease-dribble chin.  Our guest Lucy reviewer determined that the burger was “casserole-y…but in a good way” and Lucy really liked the little spicy kick of the sriracha aiola.  Ms Appleby thought the frying of the veggie patty threatened to overwhelm the delicate taste explosion of the roasted veggies, but agreed that the Happy Gnome’s surprising entry into the Lucy cannon was a tasty experience!

The Happy Gnome's take on the Lucy: Veggie Style!

EXTRA BONUS:
The rest of the menu (while featuring a slightly higher price than your typical Lucy fare) is really tasty and the beer selection simply can not be beat in St. Paul.

5-8 TAVERN AND GRILL

“Talking with your hands, were you?”

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  3

Ambiance: 3.4



THE WARM UP: The snarky waitress at the 5-8 won points with our table almost immediately…since we had been seated for about 90 seconds before I dumped an entire glass of ice water in my lap…soaking guest Lucy reviewer Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner  in the process!  But cold water on your thighs on a steamy summer day is better than molten cheeze searing your skin not matter what time of year…

LOCATION: Be warned that this joint is a little tough to find unless you are familiar with that area of South Mpls or own Ms.Appleby’s brand of GPS system.  Like Ricky Ricardo, you may find yourself accidentally driving right past it on Cedar and unable to turn around for a while.  For those of us who were able to make it on time, we were a little thrown to discover that you have to seat yourself.  Which doesn’t sound that big of a deal…unless you are trying to seat a group larger than 4 on a busy softball game night and the nice looking deck is closed due to the threat of rain.  Then it is definitely a bummer (although “bummer” was definitely NOT the language heard from classy Team Lucy…“Ew” and “WTF” is really how we roll).

AMBIANCE: All of Team Lucy agreed that the ambiance found at the 5-8 is pretty chill, easy, and airy.  Our server was pretty efficient, although the rest of the joint appeared to be pretty understaffed for a busy Thursday night.  The clean bathrooms won some serious points among most of the Team and the conversation was easy in this open space… this week’s TLC ™ (Team Lucy Conversations) include: Twin Peaks, the gay community in AK, poor public twitters, and boobs as guns (yep, you guessed it… Ms. Carolyn Appleby and Marion…). So, except for the inexplicable and faint scent of urine near the kitchen (which, incidentally, is where a group waits for a clear table), the bar is low key, friendly and hipster free.

AUTHENTICITY (“Original Lucy?”) : The 5-8 Tavern claims a long and storied history, both with Prohibition (built in 1928 as a real “speak-easy” selling alcohol illegally on the outskirts of town) and with the Jucy Lucy (or, as they prefer, the JUICY Lucy).   The Lucy at the 5-8 has been featured on the Travel Channel on “Man vs Food” and was rated #1 Juicy Lucy in Mpls/St Paul Magazine in 2008.  The menu boasts a myriad of awards dating as far back as the ‘90s in an attempt to claim King of the Lucy Mountain.

THE BURGER, THE CHEESE: Luckily for you, dear reader, the Lucy scientists here at Lucy Labs ™ use their burger and cheeze expertise to cut through the burger hype to bring you the real scoop on the tastiness of the Jucy (ahem…JUICY) Lucy’s at the 5-8.  One really excellent perk to the 5-8 Lucy experience is the sheer selection of Jucy Lucy’s available…different cheezes, crazy cheeze concoctions, and daily Lucy specials.  The CEF ™ (Cheeze Explosion Factor) for most of the burgers at Team Lucy’s table (blue chz, the classic American chz, pepper jack, and even cream chz with green olives) demonstrated a pretty decent explosion on the first bite, but disappointment quickly sets in when you realize that all the cheeze in your Lucy is gone for the 2nd bite.

5-8 Club's Lucy Blue and Lucy Classic

APPS: Aside from the lackluster Lucy, there are other tasty menu offerings: Mr. Ralph Ramsey did get a ginormous salad (tasty) and Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner, our newest Lucy Recruit and resident vegetarian, branched out to try the blue cheeze veggie burger (ok) with onion rings (delicious).  The scientists at Lucy Labs ™ were all big fans of the cheeze curds.

THE VERDICT: When sitting down to do these reviews, Team Lucy tries hard to let each Lucy stand on its own feet…but with all the accolades piled (heaped!) on the Lucy at the 5-8, it is tough to not compare this Lucy experience to the far tastier and cheezier Lucy at Shamrock’s in St. Paul.  The burger was fine.  The cheese is fine.  It’s all fine.  Just not GREAT!  Ambivalence is definitely not the desired state of affairs when looking for the ultimate CEF ™ and Lucy burger in the Twin Cities!!  I should mention that Lady Marion rated her burger pretty high stating that the initial CEF ™ was pretty impressive and the cheeze is NON-OILY.  Which is good if you are like Lucy and have a tendency for cheeze explosions all over your clothing ensemble.

• Ethel sez:  “Unremarkable.  Except for the company…”
• Ricky Ricardo sez:  “I wasn’t drunk enough to enjoy the utter mediocrity”
• Ms. Carolyn Appleby sez: “Games!! in the bathrooms!  You can play while you pee!”
• Mr. Ralph Ramsey sez: “my BLT salad:  Lots of “B”. Lots of “L”.  Lots of “T”…it redefined ‘salad days’”
• Lady Marion sez: “the best cheeze yet in the least tasty burger”
• Lucy sez: “It smells like urine next to the kitchen”
• Jerry “The Veggie” Hausner sez:  “Excellent lack of urine smell…whoa, it really DOES smell like urine!”

ADRIAN’S

“…where the recent love affair with ‘authenticity’ convinces you the food is better than it actually is.”

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  4

Ambiance:  2.8

“…where the recent love affair with ‘authenticity’ convinces you the food is better than it actually is.”

Oh, the irony!  We showed up at Adrian’s last night to review their infamous Jucy Lucy and discovered that the Official Lucy Review Notebook was left at home!  A thorough search of the bags at the table only revealed 1 scrap of paper on which to make review notes:  Ethel’s pamphlet on “Food Choices to Lower Blood Cholesterol” from her doctor’s office!

review notes from Adrian's

But we at Lucy Labs ™ scoff at the doctor’s evil eye, laugh in the face of nutritionist’s scowls and thumb our noses at endocrinologists in our quest to bring you the deets on the best Jucy Lucy in the Twin Cities!   This week’s review brought us to the humble digs of Adrian’s in south Minneapolis where (to quote the ketchup-stained menu) “…the Elite Meet to Eat”.

Decor:

Team Lucy was divided on the ambiance and décor of Adrian’s.  Fred and Marion both give the old skool joint high marks (“it’s a little bright, but comfy…baseball on the tube, that’s all I need”).  The rest of Team Lucy was not quite as enamored of the Hot Tub Time Machine vibe and definitely took off points for the scary-ass bathrooms downstairs.  Ricky Ricardo gave Adrian’s a zero score for ambiance, stating that “they have put no effort into the décor, so I abstain from scoring it to maintain my artistic integrity!”   Ms. Carolyn Appleby found the women’s restroom to be smelly, musty, full of holes in the walls with crazy slanted floors and nasty peeling linoleum.  These floors would definitely be tough to navigate after a couple of Budweisers at the bar.  However, some (but not all) of the grossness of the  bathrooms is cancelled out by the awesome old skool video games in the back of the bar.  Maybe Ricky Ricardo’s rating was tainted when he lost $3 to the claw machine?  It was easy to carry a conversation at Adrian’s despite a fairly busy Friday evening (Team Lucy’s topics this outing included high school shot putting, log rolling, Iron Man 2, and the Lady John)…which is good since our service was sparse and lackluster.

Adrian's classic Juicy Lucy. with 'some' mayo.

Food/Drink:

The beer menu at Adrian’s is your standard “neon beer sign” type fare.  The biggest bummer to both Lucy and Ms. Carolyn was that the soda refills (despite the unexpected delight of a frosted mug and bendy straw) are not free.  More importantly, the CEF ™ (Cheeze Explosion Factor) from the Jucy Lucy at Adrian’s was pretty lame.  The crucial first Lucy bite did not deliver a molten cheeze lava flow at all.  Although, everyone on Team Lucy found the burger to be tasty and juicy.  In fact, my burger was SO juicy that my burger farted.  Yes.  You read that right.  My burger farted.  On the first bite…instead of oozing cheeze, my burger farted so loudly that every table in the back turned to see what had caused such an unholy racket!   I went In for another taste and it farted again!   In case you are wondering, loudly farting burgers filled with cheeze are funny every single time. You heard it here first, folks!

Team Lucy unanimously agreed that the taste of Adrian’s Jucy Lucy (once you forgive the lack of CEF ™) was fabulous.   Lil’ P (special guest Lucy reviewer, age 5 & 1/2) thoughtfully considered his burger rating from 1 to 5 for quite a while before declaring that his Jucy Lucy warranted a 6 because “the cheeze oozed onto the chips on my plate”.  The Lucy at Adrian’s is moist, juicy, well cooked with a toasty bun and the thickest, crispiest pickles you have ever seen.  So although the CEF™ left us underwhelmed, the burger was delicious.

Added bonus:  Save room after your Jucy Lucy for Pumphouse Creamery or Turtle Bread confections while you walk around enjoying the shops in the 48th and Chicago neighborhood…then catch a movie at the Parkway.

Lucy’s burger sez: “ppppppphphpphphpht!!!!!”
Fred sez:  “great Lucy construction, fabulous!”
Marion sez: “greasy goodness”
lil P Junior (age 5 & 1/2) sez: “the video games are neat!”
Betty Ramsey sez: “the pickles on this burger are TRULY a delight!”
Ethel sez: (with a provocative wink) “Meat?!……yeah…..”
Mr. Ralph Ramsey sez:  “Where is the cheeze?”
Ms. Carolyn Appleby sez: “+1 point for the dulcet tones of Pac-Man and Galaga in the back!”
Lucy sez: “Bacon would cure AIDS if you only gave it a chance!”
Ricky Ricardo sez: “Yeah…Bacon says, ‘I just want to help’!”

LONGFELLOW GRILL

“today’s special…”

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  2.5

Ambiance: 4.5

“today’s special…”

Longfellow Grill’s Duck Lucy: locally raised beef! We love it!

It’s the rare special guest star Lucy!  I happened to be at the Longfellow Grill this last weekend when they had the Jucy Duck on their specials menu.  In our effort to make a complete and rational tour of all available Lucy experiences, I have stepped up to take one for the team in attempting this solo review of Longfellow’s unconventional take on the classic.

I’ve been a longtime fan of the Longfellow Grill’s low key casual attitude, remarkable bacon, and tempura green beans.  So I was able to exude confidence when ordering Longfellow’s Jucy Duck, a locally raised beef burger with a molten fortine cheeze and dried cherry concoction on the inside, toasted bun with dock confit on the outside.   The result was…haphazard…at best.  Although the burger was tasty and moist, the CEF (Cheeze Explosion Factor ™) was non-existent and the filling of mushrooms and dried cherries did not gel with the fortine cheese (fortine cheese is to fancy to be calledcheeze) like I had hoped.  I can probably best sum up my experience with a haiku that I will title “Longfellow Jucy Duck”:

(clears throat)

Juicy duck confit
oh yeah, I don’t like mushrooms!
ambivalent shrug

Lucy sez: “ are there any more tempura green beans left?”

SHAMROCKS

“Meat is murder…tasty, tasty murder”

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  4.6

Ambiance: 3.1

“Meat is murder…tasty, tasty murder”

Shamrock's Paul Molitor Lucy with Pepperjack Cheese

Ms. Carolyn immediately stumbled home after our latest foray into the dark underworld of the Twin Cities Jucy Lucy to put on elastic pants and lie down.  So you have been officially warned to bring your comfiest eatin’ clothes when you come to Shamrocks for the Jucy Lucy experience.  Even though we were tempted by the description of the “near mythical proportions” of the Nookie Supreme burger, we were able to stay on task for our most recent cheezy burger conquest!

Shamrocks has a comfy, friendly neighborhood bar feel with a distinct lack of hipster (unless you count Ethel and her saucy hipster glasses).  Less boisterous then our previous Lucy joint, you could actually hear the conversation of the table without having to yell to be heard (the head topic at Table Lucy included whether or not back hair on men is attractive…clearly Team Lucy ponders the depths of the human condition…).  Fred, Team Lucy’s resident purist, misses the small town feel of the VFW style menu found in most old skool of Lucy joints, but the rest of Team Lucy was fine with the open concept, genial atmosphere of Shamrocks.  Although the ambiance of the joint left Team Lucy a little underwhelmed, the entire team agreed that our server, Kelly, was excellent.

But the star of the Shamrock menu (which is the same as the Nook’s menu), and the reason for Team Lucy’s existence,  is the CEF ™ (Cheeze Explosion Factor, for those in the know…) found in a well constructed Jucy Lucy…and the Lucy at Shamrocks does NOT disappoint!  The CEF ™ on my Jucy Lucy was a sudden explosion followed by a steady stream of cheezy lava that continued unstopped until the last bite.  The burger is pretty tasty despite the feeling that you are indulging in less than the best quality of cheeze and meat.  But the quality of the CEF ™ makes up for any questions on the quality of the cow.   Even though the sides are pretty average and the beer list is…pedestrian.., everyone agreed that the first bite of the Shamrocks’ Jucy Lucy sets the gold standard of the genre.

• Ricky Ricardo sez:  “…our server reminds me of that aunt that buys you beer”
• Ms. Carolyn Appleby sez: “ …the firemen hanging out across the street on W7th bring new meaning to the phrase ‘sweaty meat’”
• Fred sez: “the burger seal on my Lucy was broken, so the CEF ™ wasn’t quite as explosive than I had hoped!”
• Marion sez: “Despite the bottomless pit of cheeze, my burger was a little dry.”
• Lucy sez: “Eeeew to back hair!”
• Ethel sez:  “I am NOT a hipster”

map Shamrocks here

The GROVELAND TAP

“-1 star for cheese explosion factor™”
Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  2.4

Experience:  2.8

“-1 stars for cheese explosion factor ™”

Groveland Tap's "Juicy" Lucy

My fetching jeans and hoodie outfit were completely safe from any lava cheese mishaps at the Groveland Tap.  It wasn’t until a couple of bites into the burger that we really found much cheese at all…which is sort of a bummer when you are on the hunt for the best Jucy Lucy in the Twin Cities.  The burger was underwhelming in all important categories:  cheese, moistness and CEF ™ (Cheese Explosion Factor, for those in the know…).

The Groveland Tap has a decent tap beer selection and a full menu of greasy-fried goodness, but most of us were unimpressed by the seedy suburban college bar feel to the joint.  Although, every single one of the I Love LucyTeam give our server Laura an enthusiastic thumbs up.  Despite a busy Friday night crowd, everyone’s drink at our table was full and we were treated like the most important patrons in the pub:  Laura was a ROCK STAR!  If the rest of Groveland’s servers are as spectacular as she was, then it might be possible to forgive the lack of hot cheese in the Lucy in exchange for fantastic, friendly neighborhood service.  But that’s not the way the I LoveLucy team rolls!

Added bonus:  the Wine Thief is one block east.  So you can find some excellent wine to take home while you wait 45min on a Friday night for a table.

• Ricky Ricardo sez:  “-1 stars for cheese explosion factor ™”
• Ethel sez:  “our server, Laura, was top notch! Lack of cheese really cuts down on the calories here… I could eat the whole burger!”
• Lillian Applebee sez: “my buffalo chicken sandwich was really delicious”
• Caroline Applebee sez: “…our server, Laura, really was awesome!”
• Fred sez: “this place is too noisy”
• Lucy sez:  “What?  I can’t hear you…”

Map the G Tap

The BLUE DOOR

“not sad but BLUE”

Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  4

Experience: 4.6

“not sad but blue“

Although a ‘classic Lucy’ is available to you purists out there in blog-land, we opted for the Blue Door exclusive twist on the classic…the Jucy Blucy:  blue cheese between two meat patties in a toasted bun.  Although the Blucy is definitely delightful, and even deserves it’s own category… it is an evolution…( This Blucy is very similar to James Cameron’s Avatar ) we were left a little underwhelmed by the lack of hot cheeze ™  surprise. I guess the three of us, while intrigued by the tasty Blucy, were yearning for a more old skool classic cheese explosion and a higher burger grease factor you come to expect in a burger filled with goo.  However, the  blue door’s bacon should start it’s own religion, and the cheese curds lasted about 2.3 minutes. We all agree that the ambiance of the joint is classy and understated, featuring a decent brew selection and great service.  Even the hipster quotient was pretty low key (this is St. Paul after all, not Uptown!).  Extra bonus includes a higher end (but reasonably priced) menu selection and several nice antique stores to while away your time while waiting 30 minutes for a table in this tiny gem on a Wednesday night. Ricky does not consider the proximity to antiques a bonus, but rather a detriment. ” Shopping makes real men want to nap.”

• Ricky sez:  ““…the hipster clientele was surprisingly polite and accepting.. the condescension factor was minimal”
• Ethel sez:  “our server was AWESOME! the Blucy is a good take on a midwestern classic”
• Lucy sez: “tots tots tots tots tots tots…did I mention tots?”
  

Map The Blue Door

The NOOK

“don’t wear the cheese, eat it, fool!”
Ratings:
Jucy Lucy  5

Experience:  3.3

“don’t wear the cheese, eat it, fool!”

the Nook's Jucy Lucy

I made the common mistake of the Jucy lucy virgin our first time out for the Jucy Lucy blog:  PATIENCE!!!  The result of my greediness?  A lava-hot cheese explosion from my burger on the basket, the table, the seat, the floor, my lap.  Nothing shocks you into the reality of an amazing Jucy Lucy experience than the sear of cheese to the inner thigh!  Once the smell of burning flesh had subsided, we were able to sit back and enjoy a super-tasty entry into the Twin Cities Jucy Lucy canon.  The good news?  Despite my hot cheese faux pas, the Nook’s tasty Jucy Lucy had plenty of cheese goo to spare! We experienced a 40 min wait on a Thursday night, but the crowd of locals was served well by the friendly and accessible staff.  Ricky had the deep instinct that if outed, a vegetarian may experience several forms of slapstick violence. Added bonuses to the Nook experience:  excellent onion rings and proximity to the Ran-Ham bowling alley.  Now, that’s old skool!

• Ricky Ricardo  sez:  “…any place with a diners, dives or drive-ins reference in the décor loses a star automatically”
• Ethel sez:  “fine service, excellent rings”
• Lucy sez: “is it considered uncool to eat the cheese off your pants from the volcanic cheese eruption?”

map to The Nook

Photo courtesy of We Got Served.blogspot.com

Long live hot cheese and beer!

We are visiting all Juicy Lucy restaurants in the Twin Cities and giving a little write up of each juicy burger. Good times! here’s to hot cheese!

CHECKED OFF THE LIST

Nook
Blue Door Pub

Groveland Tap

ST PAUL
Minnehaha Lanes
Sweeney’s Saloon & Cafe
Shamrocks Grill and Pub

MINNEAPOLIS

5-8 Club

Adrian’s Tavern
Bar Abilene

Birchwood Cafe

Burger Jones
Cardinal Tavern
Common Roots Cafe

Matt’s Bar
Murray’s Restaurant & Cocktails
NE Palace
Sportman’s Pub
Tuggs Tavern
Ugly Mug

SUBURBS
Newts (Rochester)
Gossips (Farmington)
Rudy’s Red Eye Grill (White Bear Lake)
Maplewood 5-8 Tavern & Grill (Maplewood)
Buffalo Tap (Savage)
Lord Fletcher’s (Spring Park)
Gold Nugget Tavern & Grille (Minnetonka)
Lucky’s 13 Pub (Mendota)
Lucky’s 13 Pub (Bloomington)
Mainstreet Bar (Hopkins)
McGarry’s Irish Pub and Eatery (Maple Plain)
Turtle’s Bar and Grill (Shakopee)